Brace Yourself

Does this man live in Independence?

• Tank top: check
• Knee brace: check
• Giant drink in hand: check
• Du-rag: check
• Muscles: check
• Backpack: check
• Smoking: No, but ponytail is of equal value: check

Yes. This man lives in Independence.

We need a room for this.

I win this time, boring hallway.

I Feel Pretty... Good. Pretty Good.

Two nights ago, I played a kickball game in my AAF-KC league. It's a bunch of ad agencies and such who play kickball together in a league. Anyhoo, I've been rather down about my performance this year, but Wednesday night, I made up for it. I kicked a homerun and had 5 RBIs on the night. We won 8-3 and advanced to the semi-finals. I'm still riding my high, and my body is creaking along, reminding me that I'm not 23 anymore. That was 10 years ago. I'm getting old, and it feels great.

Also, I freakin' booted that sucker.

Gettin' His Swerve On.

Today, on the way back from lunch, a guy on a moped pulled a U-turn into oncoming traffic. He was swerving and nearly ran off the road as I approached his slow bike.

The man then swerved into the left lane, and as I passed, I glanced at him to find his face and hands covered in blood. He resembled a scraggly John Oates with some grunge band hair.

We reached a stoplight, and I soon got excited as I felt an opportunity to take pics. For a split-second, the man was standing there on the moped, but quickly leaned over and fell in front of my car. 

I looked over, and his legs and feet were covered in blood too. I yelled to him "Are you okay?" "Nooooooo-ow! Ow!," he replied. "Do you want me to call and ambulance?" "No, don't worry about it. Ow. Oh noooo..." I called 9-1-1. An off-duty police officer pulled up and started assessing the 'sitch. Then another off-duty officer, and an on-duty officer, a fire truck, and an ambulance until my car was completely surrounded by emergency vehicles.

A cop walked over and said "I could probably pull my car back and let you back out... Independence, man..." I looked over, and he was shaking his head, so I shot him a chummy grin as I knew exactly what he meant. "I have to carry around a camera to take photos of this kind of thing, or no one will believe me," I said. "Did you get any good ones?" asked the cop as he was kinda giggling at the mess in front of us. 

Thanks Independence.

These Boots are Made for Jogging.

What are some of the things needed for a good jog? 

Short shorts, a thin shirt with ventilation holes, a hat with vents cut into the top and logging boots? Perhaps Nike needs to take notes because this guy wearing this exact outfit every morning. 

Taking the American Dream Off Some Sweet Jumps.

Who saw a grown man with shoulder-length hair wearing a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, American flag shirt and riding a child's bike down the highway? Me. Jealous? Thanks, Independence.

On the Brinks of Insanity

I just saw an armored car driver pulling some bags of cash out of his truck. As this was happening, a guy walked by and said "Can I have some money?" with his hands making a bowl like an Oliver Twist character. The driver looked him up and down and hesitantly said "Um, not today..." Just then, Oliver's pose morphed into an overhand air swat to prove that he was only joking.

I immediately mind-punched the guy.