Today, I was driving next to a hearse on my way home from work. Hearses are weird. First of all, they're like a mega station wagon, and they're always like light blue or creme-colored. They've also got curtains in the windows. The curtains don't really cover up anything in particular. Just there, neat and pressed. If I were a curtain-maker, I'd buy a hearse to display my expertise. Also, there's usually a big, metal thing on the back of the hearse. It looks like a big shoehorn or something, just pasted on the side for no apparent reason. I wanted to pull up to the stop light and ask the driver if the carpet matched the curtains. That's all of the ideas I have about hearses.